My Seinfeld Moment of the Day

I often think that my life could be the perfect script for an episode of Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm, both created by the comedic genius Larry David (see photo to the right). I just had one of those "Seinfeld moments" (I would call it a "Curb Your Enthusiasm moment" but I think more people are familiar with Seinfeld...) and thought I would share my story. Warning, if you can't handle a story about someone needing to go #1 in the bathroom, this story isn't for you.

This morning I drank two large cups of coffee. I haven't been drinking coffee regularly lately, so this was a lot for me. I used the restroom on my way out the door to meet a colleague for lunch. At lunch I drank a glass of water. After lunch I went to Target to pick up a few more things for my new office at IU (which I LOVE, by the way!!!) As I left Target I was suddenly overcome by a great desire to once again use the restroom. I had a cart full of things I needed to take out to my car and I seriously debated unloading the things in my car and then heading back into Target for the restroom. I decided against it and thought, "Oh it's only 10 minutes back to my office, how bad can it be?" It was BAD. I hit every single red light possible as my bladder grew and grew. When I drove into the entrance to the Wells Library parking lot I was thinking, "Dear God, if there is ever a time that I need an open 'A' parking spot right by the HPER, it's now!!!" No dice. I drove around the little lot in between the Telecom Building and the HPER twice and it was filled to capacity (other than the two handicap spots, which never seem to be in use!) I drove back by the library and found a spot there. I was right by the Telecom School and my mind raced with thoughts like,

"Can I lug all of these Target bags into my office and quickly escape to the restroom?" I wasn't sure about this...what if I ran into someone who wanted to chat my ear off? I couldn't take that chance.

"Is it really bad to take all of these Target bags into the restroom with me so I don't even have to stop by my office?" Ewwww, yes, that's bad. I'd have to put them on the floor and the floor is germy.

"Why don't I leave all this crap in the car and run into the Telecom Building to use the restroom? There's no way I'll see anyone I know!"

I chose option 3. I had no clue where a restroom was in the Telecom Building but I found one rather quickly on the bottom floor....not a person in sight! The women's restroom door was propped open and I suspected someone might be in the middle of cleaning it. "Oh great, I'm going to have to find another one," I thought. No! No one was in the restroom! I was in the clear! I ran in and shut myself in a stall. I'm someone who gets a little phobic about using the restroom in public places. I don't like people to hear me. My mind couldn't get past the fact that the restroom door was wide open. I heard people walking by. Ahhhhhh!!! I finally went and as I walked out, who did I see but the ONE person I actually know in the Telecom School. I didn't even know I knew anyone in the Telecom School until this encounter. It was a grad student that I had a class with while I was doing my doctoral work. ARGH! So I said hi and then felt the need to explain what the heck I was doing in the Telecom Building....AWKWARD!!! I think he was confused as to why I told him the story too. Why did I feel the need to tell this guy I needed to go the bathroom so bad I couldn't walk all the way to the HPER?!?! Why didn't I just take my chances of walking to the HPER with my bags, drop them off in my office, and then find a restroom? I think that I overthink things waaaaay too much sometimes and it backfires.

The best part of the story? As I walked past the parking lot where I WANTED to find a spot, there were two open ones. Had I just driven around a few times or arrived a few minutes later I could have gotten my A spot right by the HPER and everything would have been fine.

I think my social skills are a little "off" these days. Hopefully I won't do anything like this again. But I thought it was a pretty funny story and I wanted to share. If I have any more Seinfeld moments I'll be sure to post them.