Narcissism Epidemic? My thoughts on a great article in Newsweek

Today my mom sent me an article from Newsweek titled "Generation Me: A new book says we're in a narcissism epidemic. Why you're not so special." I highly recommend that you click on the link and read the actual article for yourself, but in case you want to save time I'll give you a quick recap (in less eloquent terms than the actual article):

The article is basically saying that our society is in danger of a "narcissism epidemic" because of the way kids are raised to believe that they are sooooo special for every single thing they do. "Johnny just peed in his diaper? Give him a trophy!" "Sally ate all of her dinner? Let's buy her a new toy!" You get the picture.

According to the article, 10% of Americans in their 20s have already experienced symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, while only 3% of people ages 65+ have experienced these symptoms. It is obvious that the rate is growing, and this is a problem.

I see the narcissism epidemic every single day of my life when I travel a few hundred feet up the road to Berkeley. It took Karl and me a while to figure out just what it was about several people in Berkeley that turned us off so much until we coined just the right phrase for them: self-righteous! They are 100% out for themselves and their own interests, and give absolutely no respect to other people, whether it be walking down the sidewalk, driving a car, or simply holding a door open for someone else who is entering the same store, business, etc. I swear, I've never been anywhere in my life where the people have absolutely no regard whatsoever for those around them. Unfortunately, that's becoming the trend all throughout America, especially in our country's youth. The article states, "we've built up the confidence of our kids, but in that process, we've created a generation of hot-house flowers puffed with a disproportionate sense of self-worth (the definition of narcissism) and without the resiliency skills they need when Mommy and Daddy can't fix something."

Who's to blame? Well, the article and I both feel it's the parents' fault. I absolutely can't stand it when I see parents and their children out in public and the parents let the kids run around like (as my mom would say) "little hellions." It's as though the children are in charge of the parents and they have the rule of the roost. When I was growing up, the child did what the parent said, not the other way around. I've also got to say how annoyed I am by parents who seem to think their children can do no wrong...constantly creating excuses for their child's misbehavior or always buying the kid anything and everything to reward it for doing the simplest of life's tasks (i.e., going to the bathroom, eating their food, saying a word), or worse yet, when children are rewarded for not disobeying (as opposed to being rewarded for obeying...think about it, there IS a difference.) I think a lot of parents are just way too obsessed with their kids nowadays, and that is a huge part of the problem. The parents convince the kids of how wonderful and perfect they are, and never give them an actual dose of reality.

I think this is probably one of the biggest reasons why I absolutely do not want to have kids at this point in my life, and the thought of being a parent terrifies me. I don't want to have to raise a child in a world where all of these other little (again, borrowing my mom's phrase) hellions are running around thinking the world revolves around them, because I can tell you right now I will NOT be one of the parents spoon-feeding my kids the magic crap about how special they are for every little thing they do. My parents didn't raise me that way and there's no way in the world I'm giving in to society and raising my child this way either. I say "giving in to society" because if all of the other people around me are doing it, it's going to be hard not to act the same way. Trust me, though, I won't. I look back to high school and can remember being soooo upset after a cross country race when I didn't do well. All I wanted was for my mom to have a little sympathy, tell me that I did okay, and tell me it was all going to be better. Did she do that? Not a chance. She told it to me like it was - "You didn't try as hard as you could, your head wasn't in it and you embarrassed yourself. You shouldn't be proud of that performance." Sure, it wasn't easy to hear at the time, but it sure has made me a much stronger person in the long run. (This was not a one-time incident, by the way...it was definitely recurring, all throughout my life in all different types of circumstances! She still gives me a nice dose of reality even to this day when she thinks I need one.)

I've probably said enough now. I just think it's time to stop pooh-poohing over our kids and go back to the way many of our parents raised us and the way our grandparents raised our parents. I'll leave you with one final quote from the article (then go read the whole thing yourself!):

"Perhaps, one day, we will say that the recession saved us from a parenting ethos that churns out ego-addled spoiled brats. And though it is too soon to tell if our economic free fall will cure America of its sense of economic privilege, it has made it much harder to get the money together to give our kids six-figure sweet-16 parties and plastic surgery for graduation presents, all in the name of 'self esteem.' And that's a good thing."

WOW. I never thought of it that way, but this recession might be good for something after all!!!

GOODNIGHT AND HAVE A WONDERFUL EVENING!